SO MUCH

*Imagine witty opening here*

For months now I have experienced blog blankness.  It's not for lack of material, but partially lack of time and mostly being tongue tied.  There is SO MUCH to be said for what the Lord is teaching me in this odd season, and yet I seem to suffer from mental constipation (please excuse the feces reference - this is just what comes to mind . . . and it's not that I think what is going to come up is crap, either :) because I know that what He is teaching me right now is beautiful in His sight.  Perseverance.  Endurance (hopeful waiting).  Steadfastness.

I really used to despise these words - mostly because in my ignorance I didn't fully understand what His word says the outcome will be . . .

"And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:4

Perfection will obviously not be achieved this side of heaven, but with every opportunity to endure, there is the opportunity to become more spiritually mature and closer to the image of Christ.  There is also the opportunity to BAIL. Flee. Run. Escape.  To NOT endure but to accept a counterfit way out that does not lead to maturity or Christ-likeness.

My flesh is quick to try and deceive me that there is way out by running through the open door, but the Lord, in His sweetness, has pressed the weight of His love on me like a warm, secure, cozy blanket on a chilly night.  I have confessed to Him on many occassions how my flesh screams lies at me and how I sometimes have yeilded to that loud voice, rather than His still, quiet voice.  BUT, in endurance, I am learning to be still, to sit on my hands that want to wave dramatically in the air about unfairness or this and  that, to cross my legs that are quick to want to carry me away and separate me from what the Lord has for me - I am learning to yield to Him, to surrender to Him.  I am learning to bend my knee and confess that I know so very little and am a broken vessel.  I am learning to cling with all that I have - TO HIM.  There is just SO MUCH.

Perhaps I have been tongue tied because my tendency is to talk about myself, rather than who HE is, to talk about the fun stuff (*insert image of peanut butter faced child here*) rather than the difficult.  The truth is, there is nothing more relevant than who God is in the midst of the difficult.  God is SO MUCH more than we can wrap our tiny little minds around.  SO MUCH more loving and gracious and just than we can comprehend.  So MUCH MORE.