I want a shortcut. I want to run so far so fast away from the me that I've created out of laziness, lack of self discipline and spiritual disobedience. Honestly, I want a magic pill - something too good to be true, instantaneousness. NOW.
God has already spoken to my heart on this issue. He told me outright that a pill, let's say, like a diet pill, would not work for me. Because what is wrong is my heart condition, and a pill can't help that, only obedience can. Repeated obedience. Please don't hear me say that I am judging pill taking. I am not. I have people that I love who have gone down this road and that it has worked for them, and honestly, what I am saying is that I wish that would work for me too. But, God has already spoken. He has told me what to do. And now, I must do it. And the change is going to happen slowly. Afterall, how many years has it taken me to get to + 80 lbs??? It didn't just happen overnight.
Not to mention that this thing God has called me to (to run, literally, in case you missed that piece) is not even really about my physical body - but about my intentional worship of God in my daily life in a way that is new for me, it's about the discipline of meeting with him, worshipping Him, and setting my eyes on the prize, which is full, complete, unconditional relationship with Him. It's about Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisares, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship." That part about offering my body as a living sacrifice as my true and proper worship is what is helping me to put one foot in front of the other and repeat.
What triggered all of this is a long, hard look in a three way mirror in Super Target. The Dallas weather is manic enough, they've got the new springy stuff out. I'm moving back to a tropical climate where my new accessory is going to be the glossy glow of sweat from head to toe. All the time. Anyhoo, in a mid morning stop for hair conditioner, I popped into the dressing room with a few fun, inexpensive things. And there I was. YUCK. I immediately had to combat my self loathing - because that is a very self centered approach that I believe that Satan uses to keep us focused on ourselves and not on God's power. I put all the stuff back, except for one XXL t-shirt. Gulp. I hate the sight of those X's.
I've been wunning (walking + running) for 2 weeks now. Following through with God's command for me, but I somehow secretly expect that with two weeks of obedience I will instantly be rewarded. (Like maybe I could move from 2 X's to 1?) No, it doesn't work that way. BUT I WANT IT TOO AND WHEN IT DOESN'T I WANT A SHORTCUT. Can you hear the desperation in my words?????
Then, I was doing my bible study this morning, on Jonah (Priscilla Shirer) and these are some of the the things that popped out at me from week 4:
"After second chance celebrations, today's subject might be a startling brush with reality- no shortcuts with God. Our second chance brings us full circle to the place where we have to choose full obedience. While we may want to find the easiest road to complete obedience, our heart must be set on doing God's will - His way and in its entirety - even if it takes longer than we'd prefer or requires more effort. "
"The work God is trying to do in you requires your full participation. You will find the rewards when you subscribe completely to what He asks and do the tasks how and where He asks."
"Jonah was back at Joppa and had to devote himself full to God's will. No shortcuts could navigate the 500 miles to Ninevah. He had to put one foot in front of the other and trust God for the rest. Now it was time to obey fully, completely, wholeheartedly."
BAM. Coincidence? I thank not. Today, I surrender my desperation for a short cut and acknowledge that there is not a quick fix to my years of over-indulging my flesh and not heeding the Holy Spirit's voice within me to stop. Now, I must simply choose to indulge in a closer walk (er - wun) with Jesus. Every Day. Repeat.