Dying to self. Ouch.

I have made only like 3 posts in the last 6 months.  The reason?  Death.  And no, dying isn't easy. (Don't worry, I'm healthy other than the fact that I somehow got e. coli and it has had its hold on me for a few weeks).   You see, last Fall I started this *bible study with a group of fellow missionary ladies here in this town.  It was INCREDIBLE (and the other women there were amazingly vulnerable, transparent and such a huge blessing to me - so awesome!)  But it hurt.  It was painful.  The Lord convicted me sweetly and gently, and parts of me had to GO. LOTS of parts of me.  Ugly parts.

But here's the beautiful thang:  those parts were in the way, but now that they are either dead or dying (it's a process, right? some things are harder to kill than others) the Lord is replacing them with His truths, His beauty, His work.  And while His truths are all around me, it is up to me to seek them out in His word so that I will be able to discern what is good and of Him.  And oh the responsibility of teaching these truths to my children . . . with my actions *gulp* more so than my words (because frankly, our actions rather than our words either prove us a fraud or a believer).

So, just because something hurts (like dying to yourself)  doesn't mean it is a bad. And just because something "feels right" doesn't mean it IS right.  The world tells us to "follow your heart," but the Lord tells us  that the heart is deceptive.

(He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered. Proverbs 28:26) 

Furthermore,  that our words are a reflection of what is in our heart.

(You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouthspeaks out of that which fills the heart. Matt 12:34)

Scary larry.  Time for a heart check up.  Got to make sure it us full of the Lord's love and not that other junk, which is a daily struggle for me.  That darn flesh of mine!  

Yes, it does hurt: dying.  But just like Jesus' death ultimately brought us life, when those things in each of us that need to die actually die, there is room for new life and growth.  And yes, it would be such a pity to allow those ugly parts to die and then to let other uglies move in.  Let's not even go there.  So would it be weird for me to wish you to die a little today?  That's my prayer for myself: that my flesh would be conquered by the spirit of God and that ALL parts of me would bring glory to Him.

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*I highly recommend the study:  The Gathering Place: Creating a Culture of Titus 2 Discipleship by Harvest Bible Chapel in Davenport, Iowa.  It will change you and speak to you.  Promise.  You need to do it with a group of women - the sharing part is crucial!

P.S.  Sorry for the lack of photos lately.  I recently lost 30,000 of my photos!  But a month later was able to recover most of them.  I am now in the process of putting the pieces together and hope to add photos back into the blog soooooon.