Generous Smenerous

 So I walked out of the grocery store and hopped into my car and turned on the a/c (rolled the window down).  Her clothes caught my eye in the side mirror and her well worn face said (in Spanish) "Give me something, please.  I'm hungry.  Give me something."

She is a familiar beggar, sometimes nice sometimes forceful.  She scours the streets for food, goes through trash and she walks all over town.  She is everywhere with her hand extended.  I glanced sideways at my bags of groceries on the passenger seat beside me, contemplating whether or not to turn her way or give her something.

Some say don't give because it just enables the cycle of begging to continue.  I'm a real sucker, but I have learned to trust the holy spirit and let him lead me on whether or not to give food or money.  I trust the holy spirit to prompt me when presented with this situation, and in that I way I don't worry about a personal policy on what to do when confronted with this frequent part of life here.  However, at this particular moment, I struggled with the recent questions playing through the billboard of my mind, "How can I be more generous and give my best generously?"  I nervously glanced at her, her tattered clothes, her flip flops worn smooth from the uneven streets they had treaded on.  "I'm HUNGRY," she said again.  My hands rifled blindly through my bags, and I handed her a banana to appease her.  She grabbed it and walked off.

You know bananas grow on trees here, right?  Awww man, the whole way home I thought, "Wow, Rachel, that was REALLY GENEROUS."  I could have at least given her the whole bunch, rather than just one.  I feel as though I am struggling with holding too tightly to the Lord's blessings in my life.  I WANT  to give my BEST and give it GENEROUSLY, and I also want to lose weight while consuming too many calories and not exercising enough.  Houston, we have a problem.  As my dad would say, "Chips are a flyin', but no trees are a fallin!"  Translation:  well your mouth works, but your actions don't line up.  True. True.  Heaven, help me.  For real.